Battling the Demon of Low Self Esteem

I think everybody has had a moment in their life where they've simply not felt great about themselves. I know the feeling of trying to avoid mirrors/car windows/anything reflective, feeling like a total failure, unworthy of all that I have. Lowered self esteem, as a result of negative self talk, can stem from worries about your appearance, attitude, how you think others' might perceive you.

I can't be the only one who's ever taken a selfie and of course, the image reverses (to the correct way) and you think: omg is that what I look like?! I need a paper bag for this kind of thing!

When in reality, we are so accustomed to seeing our face a certain way, that when it's reversed it just looks really alien. Some researchers agree that a good percentage of us wouldn't recognise ourselves walking down a street. That's how warped our self-perception is!

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We constantly evaluate ourselves based on things people have said to us, what we see in magazines, social values in our culture (Western society I'm talking to you). It's hard when we're surrounding by these false ideals of a person should be and look. How are we expected not compare ourselves to others? We are victims of negative self talk, but you wouldn't let another speak speak to you like this, so why should you put up with it from yourself?

Although appearance is a biggie, self esteem can manifest in other forms and can even affect your ability to be rewarded. For example, if you're experiencing low self esteem - but manage to land a new job - the sense of gratification wears off quickly. Your self esteem crumbles - "I must have tricked the manager in to liking me. I'm such a bad person." - when really, you're not!

It's increasingly difficult to revert that negative thinking and self talk. But it's poisonous. You can end up feeling as though you are unable to take on life's challenges.

When people think about low self esteem, they might assume it's due to critical parents or peers. But sometimes it's from within. My parents have never been hard on me, but I've grown up and put a lot of expectations and standards there myself because I enjoy a challenge. But when I don't meet these, I end up feeling like a failure.

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I once attended an "Overcoming Anxiety" workshop. A few things I learned here can definitely be applied to this situation.

The root of low self esteem is negative thinking and self talk coming from beliefs that you have about who you are, or how you should be. The goal of this exercise is to challenge it. On a piece of paper, write what you are feeling bad about. Next, write the thoughts that surround it - what you tend to think about this matter. Rate your anxiety. Then, list the evidence that is against this belief. You'll usually find the list is a lot longer than your irrational thoughts! Now rate your anxiety, hopefully you feel somewhat better.

Here are two examples on a template I made. 

When you think of more reasons and evidence against your negative thoughts, write them down! Build it up so that the next time you start to think "I'm too stupid for this", you have enough reason to know otherwise. 

It's easy to let these thoughts dictate your life. I sometimes find myself spending a good portion of my day/week worrying about how I look, and it's hell when I've got lectures or plans with friends.  If I'm feeling down and lacking in confidence about appearance, I usually tell Rob. Saying it out aloud makes me realise how daft it really is to be thinking about. Surely there's more to life than being locked in an introspective self doubt pit?

If you're needing words of encouragement, who better than yourself. I think a great way to up your self esteem is to think about all the wonderful things you have done, or CAN do, rather than not.

Here's a great journal I came across on Pinterest. 

What I'm trying to say is focus on the positives, your beautiful qualities and quirks. Every person is unique, and not a single one should be a victim of comparison. It's hard to shift that inner voice, but with perseverance and a positive attitude toward flushing out the low self esteem - you can do it!

To finish off - here is a quote I've turned to year after year in times of distress:

"Optimism is key. If you expect the worst, the worst will happen. You are your own stress, your own anger, your own sadness and frustration. If you let things bother you, they will. Don't dwell."

Remember, you are in control, and you alone can make all the difference :-)