Battling the Demon of Low Self Esteem

I think everybody has had a moment in their life where they've simply not felt great about themselves. I know the feeling of trying to avoid mirrors/car windows/anything reflective, feeling like a total failure, unworthy of all that I have. Lowered self esteem, as a result of negative self talk, can stem from worries about your appearance, attitude, how you think others' might perceive you.

I can't be the only one who's ever taken a selfie and of course, the image reverses (to the correct way) and you think: omg is that what I look like?! I need a paper bag for this kind of thing!

When in reality, we are so accustomed to seeing our face a certain way, that when it's reversed it just looks really alien. Some researchers agree that a good percentage of us wouldn't recognise ourselves walking down a street. That's how warped our self-perception is!

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We constantly evaluate ourselves based on things people have said to us, what we see in magazines, social values in our culture (Western society I'm talking to you). It's hard when we're surrounding by these false ideals of a person should be and look. How are we expected not compare ourselves to others? We are victims of negative self talk, but you wouldn't let another speak speak to you like this, so why should you put up with it from yourself?

Although appearance is a biggie, self esteem can manifest in other forms and can even affect your ability to be rewarded. For example, if you're experiencing low self esteem - but manage to land a new job - the sense of gratification wears off quickly. Your self esteem crumbles - "I must have tricked the manager in to liking me. I'm such a bad person." - when really, you're not!

It's increasingly difficult to revert that negative thinking and self talk. But it's poisonous. You can end up feeling as though you are unable to take on life's challenges.

When people think about low self esteem, they might assume it's due to critical parents or peers. But sometimes it's from within. My parents have never been hard on me, but I've grown up and put a lot of expectations and standards there myself because I enjoy a challenge. But when I don't meet these, I end up feeling like a failure.

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I once attended an "Overcoming Anxiety" workshop. A few things I learned here can definitely be applied to this situation.

The root of low self esteem is negative thinking and self talk coming from beliefs that you have about who you are, or how you should be. The goal of this exercise is to challenge it. On a piece of paper, write what you are feeling bad about. Next, write the thoughts that surround it - what you tend to think about this matter. Rate your anxiety. Then, list the evidence that is against this belief. You'll usually find the list is a lot longer than your irrational thoughts! Now rate your anxiety, hopefully you feel somewhat better.

Here are two examples on a template I made. 

When you think of more reasons and evidence against your negative thoughts, write them down! Build it up so that the next time you start to think "I'm too stupid for this", you have enough reason to know otherwise. 

It's easy to let these thoughts dictate your life. I sometimes find myself spending a good portion of my day/week worrying about how I look, and it's hell when I've got lectures or plans with friends.  If I'm feeling down and lacking in confidence about appearance, I usually tell Rob. Saying it out aloud makes me realise how daft it really is to be thinking about. Surely there's more to life than being locked in an introspective self doubt pit?

If you're needing words of encouragement, who better than yourself. I think a great way to up your self esteem is to think about all the wonderful things you have done, or CAN do, rather than not.

Here's a great journal I came across on Pinterest. 

What I'm trying to say is focus on the positives, your beautiful qualities and quirks. Every person is unique, and not a single one should be a victim of comparison. It's hard to shift that inner voice, but with perseverance and a positive attitude toward flushing out the low self esteem - you can do it!

To finish off - here is a quote I've turned to year after year in times of distress:

"Optimism is key. If you expect the worst, the worst will happen. You are your own stress, your own anger, your own sadness and frustration. If you let things bother you, they will. Don't dwell."

Remember, you are in control, and you alone can make all the difference :-)

"Travel is the only thing you buy, that makes you richer."

There's nothing quite like that moment. You're tumbling through a busy strip, making your way to the next point of interest. You stop for a moment, look around you and feel that wanderlust taking over your being - a foreign city, a thousand beautiful sights you never dreamed of seeing, you feel more alive than you ever have. Present, mindful, happy.

They say you shouldn't wish away your time to the next holiday, instead you should create a life that doesn't need to be escaped. But sometimes the pressures around us become all to much, and for a person suffering with a mental illness - it only seems that much worse. When you become so accustomed to a way of life, it can be difficult to shake off habits that only excel a mental illness. Travelling lets you see the world from a new perspective, it interrupts your negative thoughts - there are far too many beautiful things around you to enjoy!

Whether you are looking for culture, food, art - Europe has it all. Here are two of my favourites.

Barcelona, Spain

A city full of mind blowing artwork by Gaudi, beautiful places of worship, and so many hidden gems down the winding side streets like St Joseph market.

Bridge of Sighs

Sagrada Familia

The Gingerbread Houses, Park Guell

     

Some of my favorite memories were made here. I'll never forget strolling through the city, so colourful in the summer sunshine, trying to find Sagrada Familia. When I turned a corner, I was in awe of the size (yet unfinished!) and complexity of this magnificent Roman catholic church. For the four short days I came to Barcelona, I barely had time to think of much beside the sights.The beautiful bright colours of the Gaudi houses are a bliss, and all I could think of was how lucky I am to be able to see it for myself.

Krakow, Poland

I loved Poland so much the first time I visited, I went again within 5 years. Both visits were during the winter months and the snow only adds to the magic of the Gothic 14th century architecture.

Jewish Quarter

St Mary's Basilica, Krakow Square

Auschwitz I

In between enjoying the breathtaking Old Town, Jewish Quarter and ghettos, I visited Auschwitz. 

Visiting this memorial let me experience, as best I could imagine, the harrowing and devastating lives that were short lived here under Nazi Germany. Seeing the ordeals faced by 1,100,000 people in this camp alone made my own troubles irrelevant and unnecessary. The vast scene of Birkenau camp is incredibly eerie and peaceful, and the saying is true - you can't hear a bird sing. I will undoubtedly visit again. 

In the square you will find a mix of beautiful restaurants and cafe's which are cheap! And a cloth market where you can buy gorgeous souvenirs. As well as one of my personal favorites: St Mary's Basilica. Krakow is a city where you learn the suffering of others, and celebrate lives and culture.

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It doesn't always have to be abroad. Travelling anywhere is rejuvenating for your mind, embracing the desires and opportunities to have new experiences has such a positive impact on your mental health. And when we view the world from another perspective, such as the tragedies that have happened elsewhere, we may start to appreciate what we have at home. So do it now, book that once-in-a-lifetime Thailand/Bali tour, because I bet you won't regret it.



Alice

https://www.pinterest.com/alicemariejames
https://twitter.com/blueeyes_behind
https://plus.google.com/u/0/+AliceJamespsych/posts




Note: Sorry for the short blog post this week. Finals are ongoing, lots of family things happening, trying to stay sane! Summer is around the corner, and I have so much left to tell you all :) see you soon, x

"Oh, well it must have been his depression?!"

I'm sure you've all heard about the awful Germanwings airplane crash by now, and if not you definitely need to get out more. You also must have read a tonne of articles about stigma surrounding mental health, so I'm hoping to take a slightly different approach in this post. What Lubitz did was beyond words; devastating for the families of passengers aboard the flight. But as soon as the word "depression" came to light the media pounced at the opportunity to blow it up on a big screen.

I can't help but feel that the media have been quick to judge on this situation. Dare the media report that there is continuous speculation over Andreas Lubitz' history of mental health, and the lack of conclusive findings. What if there is more to it? Nowadays "depression" is used by the media as a buzz word. Article after article has proven how its use results in immediate assumption of the mental illness being the underpinnings of devastating happenings. And I despise it.

Alastair Campbell (Huffington Post) made a fantastic point in which I couldn't agree more - imagine that Lubitz had actually discovered that he had cancer, too late to treat? I doubt that the media would be painting such an awful photo of the illness. So why do it with depression? We wouldn't be blaming the 150 deaths on cancer.

For those who are saying he should not have been flying a plane if he was a depressive - I agree ON THE BASIS that he had been signed off work due to depression. However, there seems to be a lack of knowledge on how common depression is: 1 in 5 people experience depression at some point in their lives. These people are teachers, supermarket assistants, lifeguards at your local pool, bakers, dog walkers, taxi drivers. What I find fascinating is how depression is assumed to be characterized by suicidal thoughts/attempts. This is not the case, and you are ignorant if you think it is. You wouldn't reject taken your best friend up on the offer of a free lift into town center, on the basis that they had suffered from depression. You wouldn't believe that they would drive off of a bridge at any point in that journey.

So if it were that being a pilot isn't a job for a person with depression - what job is, where and how do you draw the line? What jobs are depressives suited for? Nothing? Almost every job involves contact with other people, and a lot involve the responsibility of others. If depressives aren't suited for jobs they will only be judged to be benefit scroungers. "There's nothing wrong with you, suck it up."

I think the real problem lies with the already existing stigma. When you are signed off work by the doctor for having a virus, people are quick enough to jump at the chance to have a few sick days to recover. But the stigma surrounding mental health has lead to a fear in confiding in your employer that you have depression and are unable to work. If it were a severe depressive episode, I believe the responsibility of reporting such illness should be given to the patient himself. There should be a system in place where the employers are foretold of any medical condition in which the individual must be signed off from work. The nature of the illness doesn't have to be disclosed by the doctor, only that the employer knows they are truly unfit for work. This should especially be the case in employment that involves high responsibility in regard to others' lives.

Lastly, another point to  consider is this. Lubitz' was obviously profoundly depressed and evidently in dire need of help. If his girlfriend knew he had been preoccupied with the idea of a plane crash, and suffering a depressive episode - why on earth did she inform somebody?

To conclude, I'm not saying his act was excusable, I am saying that the media should not jump the gun and imminently blame depression. Especially without the establishment of conclusive evidence.


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Thanks for taking the time to read my post! I hope you've considered it as food for thought. And hopefully I've not offended anybody with my own personal views.
As always feel free to share, comment with your own views, and stay tuned for more next week :)

Alice

https://www.pinterest.com/alicemariejames
https://twitter.com/blueeyes_behind
https://plus.google.com/u/0/+AliceJamespsych/posts

Becoming Mentally Healthy With Exercise

There's a well known quote by C.S Lewis that, ever since it was sent to me by my friend Emily years ago, has always put the distinction of the body and mind into perspective:

"You don't have a Soul. You are a Soul. You have a body."

When we get in our cars, we fasten our seat belts. When we feel a cold coming on, we wrap up warm and make ourselves some soup. We spend much of our time taking precaution to prevent physical illness; but we seldom see our mental health this way. 

In this article I hope to highlight some of the ways exercise can improve our mental well being - just as it can with physical illness!

If you're anything like me - even the word 'exercise' will make you shudder with laziness and denial. I was never one for exercise until about a year and half ago when I started getting pretty fed up with my low mood. Both doctor and counsellor advised me to take walks, but of course, depression made it difficult to even get out of bed let alone venture outside! When I started taking medication, my thoughts became a little more ordered and eventually I found it in me to take a walk. I was amazed by how great I would feel afterwards.

So why walk and run? It's costs nothing - which is perfect for us students. No matter where you live in the world, there's bound to be lots of scenic and peaceful public footpaths. When I go for walks, I love to take my camera to capture all the lovely things I see. Disclaimer - if you do take a camera, make sure you check where the trees are situated on your route so you don't end up with a black eye and a broken camera! Running gets your heart beating - using up all of those stress hormones built up over the course of a busy day at uni or work, in turn making you totally chilled out and ready for a relaxer in the eve! Going outside stimulates your mind, which is of course better than wallowing in self hate or self pity in your room all day. You are better than that!

If you aren't a very active person, and prefer something a bit slower, but still want the excellent mental benefits as well as physical; yoga is for you! Yoga is an age old practice (5th century BC!), which focuses on breathing and building strength. It is all about overcoming difficulty, both within yoga practice (some moves will have you wondering how the body even bends that way) and throughout life. As an ever growing practice, there are plenty of opportunities to join in on yoga classes, and the beauty of it is you don't even have to leave the house (check out Yoga with Adrien on Youtube). 

I myself prefer to practice yoga in my PJ's (why isn't this socially acceptable yet? Is anybody working on this?!) 

If you aren't into vids, here's a link to my Pinterest yoga board with a fair few good photo diagrams for beginners - https://www.pinterest.com/alicemariejames/yogaexercisemeditation/

So to conclude - exercise is a great benefit for your mind as well as body. I hope you find the advice useful, and as always, please comment with any suggestions or general comments about my post!

3 Tips to Reduce Anxiety Levels

Before I start, I just want to say thank you to everybody who has taken the time to read my first post :-) and for all the Facebook likes, shares, and lovely messages I received!

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When anxiety flares up, it can become increasingly difficult to stay focused and calm. Your mind hyper focuses on the future, negative thoughts, and a lot of negative self talk happens. And so it feels next to impossible to dismantle the snow balling effect of negativity and panic. 

I've always found it difficult to order my thoughts when I feel a panic attack coming on, so here I want to share with you 3 simple but very effective strategies I use to help lower my anxiety levels. I thought I'd start the blog on a personal note, but bear in mind posts won't always be about my experiences, either way I hope these benefit you in any way!

1)"Blow Away the Bad Thoughts"
When I go through a period where I'm feeling particularly anxious, which may last a few days to a week, it's usually down to over thinking about certain things which might be going on in my life at that time. Having anxiety means that simple bothers appear ten times worse, and so I tend to fixate on them, which just in turn makes me more anxious. D'oh! 

To cope with these intrusive and obsessive thoughts;

• Picture the source of your anxieties - it may be a person, something that somebody has said to you, or simply an uncomfortable situation you found yourself in. 
• Take a deep breath, and imagine you are blowing it far away into the distance until it disappears. 
• Distract yourself with something visual or auditory - I find Family Guy usually does the trick! This will help prevent you from fixating on the same thought.

At first you may feel a bit silly, and find that those thoughts continue to cross your mind, but be persistent. They soon dissolve and when you finally move your attention, your anxiety levels will drop.

2)"Dedicating a time or day to unwind"
Being a student means there is just never enough time in the day! Who has time to sort themselves out with all these deadlines, maintaining a social life, and calling your Mam to let her know that just because you've not replied for a few hours - you are still very much alive! All this alongside with the anxieties of every day life, what a drain.
When you find yourself feeling anxious, remind yourself to put it on the back burner, and think about it at your dedicated time. 

"These thoughts are not for now. I will take time at 5pm to think about them, I have more important things to do."

• Set a specific time for every day when all of your errands have been run. Personally 5pm works best for me. It's that time of the day when all my lectures are over, I don't have to start making dinner quite yet, and I have enough time after my session to watch some of my favorite programs. 
• Set up some pillows, make yourself a cuppa tea. Or something you have to relax (preferably not alcohol, as tempting as it is!)
• Think about what has bothered you that day, and let yourself feel the way you need to

Don't over indulge in the thoughts, but it's good to let it out. Sometimes I find that I have forgotten all about what had bothered me!

3) "A 'good vibes' board"

A lot of my anxious thoughts are spent focused on the fact that I am feeling anxious, sheer irony. Beating yourself up over feeling this way is a pretty normal reaction, but you need to tell yourself that it is okay to feel this way. It is definitely not as easy as it sounds - however they key is to know that these anxieties you're feeling are not permanent. 

For a quick and easy way to get some encouraging words, I created a 'Good Vibes' board on Pinterest (www.pinterest.com/alicemariejames/good-vibes), which is full of inspirational and encouraging words that lift remind me how great life really is!

A personal favorite is this classic by Roal Dahl

"If you have good thoughts they will shine out of your face like sunbeams and you will always look lovely."

That concludes my blog for this week. I hope you've enjoyed, please feel free to comment with any suggestions or just general interest :)

Have a lovely week