Dealing with Big Changes

I've never been one to deal very well with change. When I'm faced with an alien situation I tend to assume the worst that something will go wrong. I suppose it's natural that we prepare ourselves for the worst, because then of course - anything good which can come of the situation would seem a nice surprise.

But thinking so pessimistically, anxiously, can also strip away any positivity that you would otherwise reap from a new chapter in life.

I've recently moved out of Wales and into a foreign (well, English!) city, having finished my undergraduate, and about to embark on a new job - I'm feeling the crunch. More than anything I want to enjoy my new life here in Bristol, but I'm struggling to gel with the level of change which is happening all around me. I've officially moved out of home, now about to start renting my own place, I no longer have assignments as my university days are behind me. To most, this would seem like a wave of freedom, but to me it's panic.

Maybe its a lack of self esteem (the forever question - do I really deserve this happiness?), maybe its a lack of confidence, or maybe I'm making the wrong decisions about where my life is going.

Recently I've been reading Headspace. A self help book working towards integrating mindfulness and meditation into every day life. I've spent years believing if I keep myself busy then I won't have to face difficult emotions. Even without anything specific to do, I will often end up scrolling on Facebook, Instagram, and the like, just to escape facing what's actually happening.

The matter of fact is, your worries and problems are always going to be waiting for you when you log off/switch off/finish cleaning your entire house. Headspace has taught me to consider my mind as the sky, and any thoughts or emotions as clouds. Some days you have dark clouds hovering over you, sometimes its a bit patchy or rainy, but beneath it all is an eternal blue sky - so experience the clouds, they will soon pass.

I'm just no longer distracting myself from the very real world around me, by the often falsely secure one we receive online. I have to face the change that is before me. And embrace is with open arms. Moving in to our first place, starting my first non-waitress-or-assistant job, the good and the bad of this big learning curve. I want these emotions to paint a picture in my mind that I will look back to in years to come. Life is not something you can escape.

The fundamental message for me, in the face of change, is to remain present and experience it as fully as you can. The clouds are going to pass!