#BeAGoodListener

A big hello to anyone who felt the title of this article might be worth a read! It's been a while since I blogged, but this topic is something that is important to me and I wanted to share a few things that may inspire you to be a better advocate, supporter, or listener for somebody experiencing poor mental health.

1 in 4 people in the UK experience a mental health problem ever year with anxiety and depression being the most commonly diagnosed (Mind, 2017). The chances of you currently experiencing, or being close to someone with poor mental health, are extremely high. It comes as a no brainer (to me anyway) that there should be more information available on how to support someone experiencing symptoms of these illnesses. Particularly when funding is so scare for adequate professional support.

Mental illness can be socially isolating, difficult to manage, and present further challenges in coping with every day life to those who experience it.

I always see people sharing and writing posts letting their friends and followers know that if they are ever in need of a helping hand, that they are there for them. And I think it's absolutely amazing.

But how do you support someone with a mental health problem if you haven't experienced it yourself, you don't have professional training, or you wouldn't know how? Listening to somebody can make all the difference. 

Give them a safe space

Allow the person time and emotional space to vent, and articulate how they are feeling. It can be difficult to verbalise these feelings in the English language and this can be really frustrating for the person. 

Don't talk over them

This sort of goes hand in hand with the above, allowing space. It comes so naturally to want to give advice to someone, especially if you see that they are struggling to cope. But sometimes, this can come across that you aren't taking in what they are saying. Listen to understand, don't listen to respond. 

Understand that this might be a first

This could be the first and/or only time they will tell somebody how they have been feeling. Recognise the courage they are showing by opening up. Understand that they are placing a lot of trust in you by sharing their emotions, feelings, and thoughts. Appreciate the conversation. They are trying their best, and have taken a big step in telling you what's been going on.

Don't make assumptions

With the above points in mind, don't try and tell the person how they might be feeling, dismiss them by saying that they may be overreacting, or tell them why you think they might be feeling this way. If it is someone close to you, you may think it seems obvious that certain stressors have lead them to experience this. However the person may not be aware of the cause, or thinking about the triggers might make them feel worse. 

Believe them

Fundamentally, believe fully that what they are experiencing is real and scary to them. It can be isolating and frightening to experience dark thoughts, and poor communication can only make this worse. 

You might be thinking "If I can't offer advice, how can I help?"..

But in truth, just being present with the person can support them.

Dealing with Big Changes

I've never been one to deal very well with change. When I'm faced with an alien situation I tend to assume the worst that something will go wrong. I suppose it's natural that we prepare ourselves for the worst, because then of course - anything good which can come of the situation would seem a nice surprise.

But thinking so pessimistically, anxiously, can also strip away any positivity that you would otherwise reap from a new chapter in life.

I've recently moved out of Wales and into a foreign (well, English!) city, having finished my undergraduate, and about to embark on a new job - I'm feeling the crunch. More than anything I want to enjoy my new life here in Bristol, but I'm struggling to gel with the level of change which is happening all around me. I've officially moved out of home, now about to start renting my own place, I no longer have assignments as my university days are behind me. To most, this would seem like a wave of freedom, but to me it's panic.

Maybe its a lack of self esteem (the forever question - do I really deserve this happiness?), maybe its a lack of confidence, or maybe I'm making the wrong decisions about where my life is going.

Recently I've been reading Headspace. A self help book working towards integrating mindfulness and meditation into every day life. I've spent years believing if I keep myself busy then I won't have to face difficult emotions. Even without anything specific to do, I will often end up scrolling on Facebook, Instagram, and the like, just to escape facing what's actually happening.

The matter of fact is, your worries and problems are always going to be waiting for you when you log off/switch off/finish cleaning your entire house. Headspace has taught me to consider my mind as the sky, and any thoughts or emotions as clouds. Some days you have dark clouds hovering over you, sometimes its a bit patchy or rainy, but beneath it all is an eternal blue sky - so experience the clouds, they will soon pass.

I'm just no longer distracting myself from the very real world around me, by the often falsely secure one we receive online. I have to face the change that is before me. And embrace is with open arms. Moving in to our first place, starting my first non-waitress-or-assistant job, the good and the bad of this big learning curve. I want these emotions to paint a picture in my mind that I will look back to in years to come. Life is not something you can escape.

The fundamental message for me, in the face of change, is to remain present and experience it as fully as you can. The clouds are going to pass!

Little Welsh Girl Makes it Big

I come from a family who has lived in the deep green valleys of south Wales for generations. Most of the my ancestors even then have only ever lived a few miles from each other, predominantly in and around Quarter Bach on the foot of the Black mountain.

Growing up in a small welsh village, educated in a primary school of about 30 pupils in total, I never dreamed I would be months away from graduation today.

My Mamgu and Daps lived just down the road, and my great grandparents a stones throw from my front door. There was always a big emphasis placed on the importance of our strong family ties, and the sense of togetherness we all seemed to have. I had everything I needed in my small world. 

As a child I remember spending much of my time playing out until dark on the estate with my few friends from school. Coming in every night with a cold runny nose and a big smile. Life was simple.

I suppose you could say I started to see my world differently after my parents divorced when I was 7 years old. I began to question life regularly, forming a strong introspective voice that to this day hasn't left my side. I developed a passion for understanding the world around me. Conspiracies, stories of the great Pyramids, the wonders of space and the possibility of alien life, and endless documentaries about nature would light a fire inside me that has only grown in warmth and size. My grandfather and I spent many afternoons and evenings watching and reading with fascination.

He has always given me the chance to explore my thoughts openly with him. He would often challenge them, and I valued his opinions,  but always managed to hold my own. Something I've not been able to do with many else. Debating such big concepts and issues, at such a young and impressionable age, opened my eyes to the world around me.

My passion for understanding human nature had led me to pursue my undergraduate here at Bangor. I have a dream to follow this until I can help others make sense of the world around them and get the most out of life.

I have had the privilege of exploring all my academic curiosities. And as a person, I have overcome hardships. It's been an intense three years, and having spent my life in education; I'm not entirely sure what to expect beyond this. Many nights have been spent in distress. I have at times convinced myself of my worthlessness, and lack of ability to reach my goals. I never would have done this without the emotional support from my other half and family.

Graduation is a huge milestone in my life, and I am proud to have come this far. But I can't wait to keep going.

"Anything is possible if you've got enough nerve." 

ABA Behaviour Change Project - Part 2

Hello! As promised, here is an update about my progress in the behaviour change project.
First - a quick refresher..

So in my applied behaviour analysis module one of our assignments is to conduct a behaviour change project. We had to pick a certain behaviour we'd like to eliminate or improve upon. Having been a prolific nail biter my whole life I decided now is the opportunity to rid of this habit once and for all.

Baseline

I recorded the amount of times I'd bite or pick at my nails every day for a week. Alongside this, I filled out an ABC diary to help understand some of the environmental/stimulus factors that may lead me to bite my nails. Here are my results...

	Week 1 - Baseline
Day 1	7
Day 2	9
Day 3	6
Day 4	9
Day 5	6
Day 6	15
Day 7	7

Initial thoughts before the week started were about how stressed out I was at the time. I had a lot of uni work/lectures to catch up on, as well as my peak season in my part time job, and training days for volunteer work. The results didn't really surprise me, if anything I thought it would be higher than this. As a second measured, I completed a Zung Self Report Anxiety Scale and got a 63. Not good. The score lies in the "Severe Anxiety Level" boundary. 

From my ABC diary, I found that on days where I was particular busy with practical and hands on work i.e. in volunteering, or my part time work (cleaning tasks) - I bit my nails a lot less. Most nail biting actually occurred at times where I was concentrating; like during lectures, watching TV, and working on assignments where I would spend a lot of time thinking hard about things.

Day 6 was a particularly bad day for my hands (15 times). Below is my ABC diary for that day...

	A (antedecent)	B (behaviour)	C (consequence)
Day 6	1) Stress from family.                   2) Exhausted from peak season hours at work.                               3) Data analysis.	Excessively picked at and bit my fingernails/skin around them	Really short, a lot of my fingers left with nothing else to bite off.

On Day 6 I was at work during a kids club shift (usually I sit for a few hours watching over the children playing etc). I had a lot on my mind as well as having spent my few free hours that day trying to get some data analysis done. Enough said, stats is enough to send me to an early grave. I put my hand to mouth 15 times total.

Intervention 

I needed to challenge my behaviour. If keeping my hands busy seemingly caused me to bite my nails less, then maybe using a 'competing response' to the urge would work. A no brainer. For the last week I've been sitting on my hands or clenching my fists every time I have felt the urge to bite my nails. Of course with the automatic nature of my habit, I sometimes didn't notice that I had even began to bite them! I recorded each time I would bite my nails (after eventually realising) and instead use a competing response until the urge went away. Below are my results...

	Week 2 - Intervention
Day 1	3
Day 2	2
Day 3	3
Day 4	2
Day 5	2
Day 6	3
Day 7	1

Already, a huge difference. I've still bitten my nails, however having made myself aware of the times it is likely to occur and using a competing response every time I feel I might bite them, we can see that actual nail biting has reduced from 8.4 times a day (baseline week Mean), to 2.3 times a day (intervention week Mean). But I think the biggest difference can be seen from my Zung Anxiety Score from the end of this week - a 36. This is classed as a normal range anxiety score.

~

I'm about to start on my second intervention week, and hopefully I will be able to say I've gone a whole day without biting! Watch this space... 

ABA Behaviour Change Project - Part 1

Following on from my last post; this year, for me, is all about personal development. As well as striving to improve my interpersonal communication skills ready for post university life, I'll be setting personal goals to improve or reduce behaviours that I feel affect my life.

This term I've taken a module on Applied Behaviour Analysis and I'll be completing a behaviour change project of my choice, with the idea of changing something profound.

So what have I chosen to change about me?

It might seem trivial to most, but I have always had difficulties in stopping myself from biting my nails. It has been a life long habit of mine since I first noticed I even had nails! There have been countless occasions where I've doused my hands in 'stop and grow', fake nails, amongst an array of other unorthodox methods, with very little results.

When I met Rob I somehow completely disregarded this awful habit for some time.

In the last 6 months I have slipped back in to old patterns and I'm back to biting. Oops! So what do I already know about my nail biting habits? Well, very little...

Despite that I've done it my whole life, I've never really considered WHY I do it. Maybe because it's such an automatic behaviour for me that most of the time I don't even realise I'm doing it. I'm an anxious person anyway, so I have an inkling that it may be playing a part..

Over the next 12 weeks I will be conducting a little experiment on myself to see if I can shake the habit, and whether it may have any affect on my mental health.

Visit my blog next week for to see how I got on!

If I followed my heart I'd wake up in Bali

It's 12:20am. I should be fast asleep right now. But for the umpteenth night in a row I am kept awake by the incessant longing for Bali that has haunted me every since I came home.

It's been less than three months since we left. And on returning, I swore I wouldn't be back too soon after stressful long haul flights, a very bad case of food poisoning (later discovered to be a rare form of salmonella) and the persistence of shop owners trying to convince me that they're Bintang bottle holders are the best you can get.

Yet here I am, having spent a good part of the last hour staring at the ceiling unable to bring my mind away from Bali. Why the pull? 

I miss the culture. Learning about the niche of Balinese hinduism was eye opening, how religon is fierce in every day of their lives. The Balinese taught me about how the good and the evil must co exist. A balance and presence of both is necessary, the world would never work without it.

I miss the art. Bali is ridden with artists with talent running deep in their veins, a passion and dedication to their sole artistic expression, decades or centuries of artistic ancestors who spent their lives creating vivid beauty. We visited a woodcrafting village in Ubud, where we saw firsthand the work that goes in to creating the most intricate carvings. The owner told us about how he was born into the trade and has never considered another career. His friends, uncles, siblings all have specialized in the creation of particular pieces.
A young painter insisted we buy a waterpaiting in our visit to Batuan, and told us how the first customer of the day brings good luck. We couldn't resist.

I long for the white sands of the South coast, with its heavy tropical blue waves. One of my favourite days were when we hired a moped from a small time clothing boutique owner in bustling Legian, for no more than £10 for the whole day (including petrol!), getting lost along the roads in between sights I could only dream up to be so spectacular.

We rode along the south Kuta coast, stopped at each notable beach including a narrow cave way down to the turquoise waters of Padang Padang. The Ripcurl surfing competition was ongoing, and we spent the day in awe, absorbing the rays and the amazing atmosphere.

 (Padang Padang)

 (Dreamland Beach)

Oh boy, do I miss the food. £3 for a bowl of curry so big it could feed me three times. And that's with a beer. I'm pretty sure if I stayed another week I'd have grown a second stomach. I'm missing their Kopi (coffee). 7am rise to a coffee so bitter it made the hair on your neck stand, before a new day of adventure, and we could never expect what awaited us.

I could be here for days writing about all the fascinating things I've seen and done in Bali, but I'll save that for another post. Dreaming about Bali is getting me through these long and dark last few weeks at university before Christmas time.

Overcoming Presentation Anxiety

The new school year has always given me surge of motivation to try new things. When I was younger this typically meant embracing a new hair colour a few weeks before classes started.. The idea that I could change over a summer, or a few days, was so appealing to me.

My final year at university has been no exception. As graduation approaches, and the date of submission for my dissertation looms, I've developed a real drive to improve myself. 

In this last week, I've done things I never dreamed I could. And what may seem trivial to some of you, isn't always so easy for others. I've always had some reservation about socializing, especially with people I'm not familiar with. The pangs of anxiety would eventually drive me away from the situation, and retreat back into my little quiet world. This anxiety extended to presentations too. 

This can be manageable when you're still in education, there are ways around presenting in front of a class. A favourite was to 'sleep in' and 'lose track of time so I couldn't make it'. But if I'm determined to get a 1st class honors, this simply can't be the case. 

I can't let it ruin this opportunity, so I've adopted a 'tough love' approach to these irrational feelings. 

And so far.. it's working like a charm. Today in class, I finally gave my first presentation. And guess what? The world didn't end! Although immediately afterward I was so relieved that I felt like I was about to cry.. This is a huge achievement for me personally, having shied away from putting myself in center stage for so long. Over the course of my degree a special support plan has been in place, where instead of presenting in class, I would complete the assignment one-to-one with my mentor. The anxiety I felt towards presentations was overwhelming, and the support plan was my comfort blanket. It has taken a lot of time to get here.

But the importance of this degree has made me really look at my weaknesses and force myself to improve. I no longer allow myself to hide away from these things. 

From now on I hope I can keep facing situations with this attitude I've adopted. The possibilities seem endless!

No Beauty Shines Brighter than that of a Good Heart

We are living in a superficial world. More value is placed on things like appearance and wealth than on what truly matters - the inside.

Have you ever stopped to think what it says about you as a person when you are more concerned with how much better your eyebrows are than hers, as opposed to how kindly you are able to treat others? Now I'm not tarnishing every woman with the same brush (sorry, but this is one for the ladies, as I find that our personalities falter more as a result) but as a result of embracing materialistic lifestyles we are effectively destroying each other. 

My point isn't that we should stop taking pride in our appearances and accentuating our favourite physical features, or stop treating ourselves to nice treats. But I've had a gut full of scrolling through my social media, or the news, and seeing nothing but contoured faces and expensive clothes. It worries me that a vast majority of us don't seem to be concerned with who we are inside, and that furthermore nobody feels the need to improve upon themselves. 

Contrary to popular belief - there is more to life than owning a similar outfit to Kim Kardashian. And there is much more to life than money.

Research has long shown that billionaires are not significantly happier than those who earn an average income. You might think that money can buy you everything - but it's been proven time and time again that true happiness is a result of healthy relationships, meaningful and challenging jobs, an interest in hobbies, and often a feeling of connection to something beyond ourselves. A self awareness.

When I scroll through Instagram and see a photo of a happy family or a couple in love, I double tap more often than not. Because it's posts like these that make me happy. Seeing and knowing that others are above materialism and placing value on things that money simply can't buy. What truly matters in life is beyond how well you can contour your face. 

Something that really bothers me is how this obsession with materialism has lead us to compete against each other. I rarely see women complimenting each other unless it's the subject of a lipstick shade, or an item of clothing. You shouldn't be priding yourself on being awarded some sordid prize of 'Rear of the Year'. All it means is that your real qualities as a human being were overlooked for materialism. What matters is not what others think of you, but how you think of yourself. And if you base an opinion of yourself on the outfit you have chosen, you're in for a real shock. 

It is human nature to criticse ourselves, have an inner voice that demands us to compete and change against others. This creates a warped self perception, only fueled by photoshopped images of our idolised celebrities, and competition from people who earn more than we do - that eventually leads to a discontent. The moment you realise that this isn't a competition for best dressed, you'll be happy. 

What matters most is how you care, your morality, decency, compassion. Your experiences, your words, your ideas and innovation. The connections you have made to the people around you, and your place in the world; beyond the need to be on the guest lists. Spend time focusing on these things, and you'll find yourself in a better place. 

Why it was hard to fall in love

Despite my recent engagement, it might surprise some to learn that falling in love was difficult. And that this is not the fairy tale love story you'd expect. Most of us know the feeling - intense butterflies, not being able to sleep or eat, you can't stop thinking about them, you have a smile on your face. All classic signs that you are falling in love. What happens when you simply can't feel that way, but you know you should be?

When I met Rob I was taking Citalopram to treat depression and anxiety. This SSRI type of antidepressant works by boosting levels of a chemical called 'serotonin', which is a mood regulator and also prevents feeling of desire. Naturally, by boosting the leves, it will ultimately affect the process of falling in love. I tried to research, but there are seldom articles depicting the blunted ability to feel love, and so I hope sharing my experience will help put those who are on the medication, and have felt as though they are numb, at ease. 

I was so nervous when I was on the train going to meet Rob for the first time that I was shaking. When I got there he suggested we get a bite to eat, but my stomach was in a knot. Whilst I didn't want to seem rude, I shared some of his pizza, but could barely eat more than a slice! Ask anybody about their first date with their loved one and I'm sure they will tell you a similar story of debilitating nerves. From this I never thought falling in love would be a problem. 

Rob should be stamped with a sticker saying "Add for instant happiness!" because he really does make me happy. But SSRI's made me emotionally numb and I struggled with feeling the burning sensation in the pit of my stomach when we'd spend more time getting to know each other. My mood was so neutral it became frustrating for when I didn't get excited about all the little things he would do, like telling me I looked pretty. I knew that this was all down to my medication. I knew that if I wasn't taking them I would be head over heels, because in all honesty, there is nothing not to love about this guy!

I never once doubted that I shouldn't be with him, despite that I easily could have taken the lack of excitement or the typical in-the-pit-of-my-stomach feelings as a big no-go. I've always been emotional so I didn't understand why I couldn't be anything but calm, having finally found the perfect man. I have perfect memories of Rob looking at me the way he does for the first time, which could send any girl crazy, but all I felt was peace.



"The Buddhists say that if you meet somebody and your heart pounds, your hands shake, your knees go weak, that's not the one. When you meet your 'soul mate' you'll feel calm. No anxiety, no agitation."

All the time we spent getting to know each other, learning  habits, enjoying each others company - was serene. I feel like I was taking a drug that slowed time right down, where I could really take in every detail, and not be overrun by intense feelings. I was so relaxed and in tune with the world, almost numb.

After a few months passed of taking my meds, and spending time with Rob, I was so happy with life that I decided to stop taking them. After a mini mishap of bad withdrawal effects, almost immediately after I finished taking the medication, I started to feel "love". I would look at Rob and almost burst with excitement and loveliness! Alongside all the happiness I was already feeling from just being with him.

I suppose that despite having these feelings blunted at the crucial part of a relationship, it has brought some positives. Even since I started to feel love again, it has only gotten stronger. When I look back at our first few dates, and all the time we spent together, I feel everything that I should have felt back then. Over a year on from then, I'm the happiest woman in the world.

Maybe I didn't get to fall in love like everybody else, but I had the chance to find a genuine connection without being blinded by 'love goggles'. The experience has only proven to me how right we are for each other, and how nothing can get in the way of such a profound connection between two people.

And it doesn't show any signs of toning down any time soon!

Battling the Demon of Low Self Esteem

I think everybody has had a moment in their life where they've simply not felt great about themselves. I know the feeling of trying to avoid mirrors/car windows/anything reflective, feeling like a total failure, unworthy of all that I have. Lowered self esteem, as a result of negative self talk, can stem from worries about your appearance, attitude, how you think others' might perceive you.

I can't be the only one who's ever taken a selfie and of course, the image reverses (to the correct way) and you think: omg is that what I look like?! I need a paper bag for this kind of thing!

When in reality, we are so accustomed to seeing our face a certain way, that when it's reversed it just looks really alien. Some researchers agree that a good percentage of us wouldn't recognise ourselves walking down a street. That's how warped our self-perception is!

~

We constantly evaluate ourselves based on things people have said to us, what we see in magazines, social values in our culture (Western society I'm talking to you). It's hard when we're surrounding by these false ideals of a person should be and look. How are we expected not compare ourselves to others? We are victims of negative self talk, but you wouldn't let another speak speak to you like this, so why should you put up with it from yourself?

Although appearance is a biggie, self esteem can manifest in other forms and can even affect your ability to be rewarded. For example, if you're experiencing low self esteem - but manage to land a new job - the sense of gratification wears off quickly. Your self esteem crumbles - "I must have tricked the manager in to liking me. I'm such a bad person." - when really, you're not!

It's increasingly difficult to revert that negative thinking and self talk. But it's poisonous. You can end up feeling as though you are unable to take on life's challenges.

When people think about low self esteem, they might assume it's due to critical parents or peers. But sometimes it's from within. My parents have never been hard on me, but I've grown up and put a lot of expectations and standards there myself because I enjoy a challenge. But when I don't meet these, I end up feeling like a failure.

~~~

I once attended an "Overcoming Anxiety" workshop. A few things I learned here can definitely be applied to this situation.

The root of low self esteem is negative thinking and self talk coming from beliefs that you have about who you are, or how you should be. The goal of this exercise is to challenge it. On a piece of paper, write what you are feeling bad about. Next, write the thoughts that surround it - what you tend to think about this matter. Rate your anxiety. Then, list the evidence that is against this belief. You'll usually find the list is a lot longer than your irrational thoughts! Now rate your anxiety, hopefully you feel somewhat better.

Here are two examples on a template I made. 

When you think of more reasons and evidence against your negative thoughts, write them down! Build it up so that the next time you start to think "I'm too stupid for this", you have enough reason to know otherwise. 

It's easy to let these thoughts dictate your life. I sometimes find myself spending a good portion of my day/week worrying about how I look, and it's hell when I've got lectures or plans with friends.  If I'm feeling down and lacking in confidence about appearance, I usually tell Rob. Saying it out aloud makes me realise how daft it really is to be thinking about. Surely there's more to life than being locked in an introspective self doubt pit?

If you're needing words of encouragement, who better than yourself. I think a great way to up your self esteem is to think about all the wonderful things you have done, or CAN do, rather than not.

Here's a great journal I came across on Pinterest. 

What I'm trying to say is focus on the positives, your beautiful qualities and quirks. Every person is unique, and not a single one should be a victim of comparison. It's hard to shift that inner voice, but with perseverance and a positive attitude toward flushing out the low self esteem - you can do it!

To finish off - here is a quote I've turned to year after year in times of distress:

"Optimism is key. If you expect the worst, the worst will happen. You are your own stress, your own anger, your own sadness and frustration. If you let things bother you, they will. Don't dwell."

Remember, you are in control, and you alone can make all the difference :-)

"Travel is the only thing you buy, that makes you richer."

There's nothing quite like that moment. You're tumbling through a busy strip, making your way to the next point of interest. You stop for a moment, look around you and feel that wanderlust taking over your being - a foreign city, a thousand beautiful sights you never dreamed of seeing, you feel more alive than you ever have. Present, mindful, happy.

They say you shouldn't wish away your time to the next holiday, instead you should create a life that doesn't need to be escaped. But sometimes the pressures around us become all to much, and for a person suffering with a mental illness - it only seems that much worse. When you become so accustomed to a way of life, it can be difficult to shake off habits that only excel a mental illness. Travelling lets you see the world from a new perspective, it interrupts your negative thoughts - there are far too many beautiful things around you to enjoy!

Whether you are looking for culture, food, art - Europe has it all. Here are two of my favourites.

Barcelona, Spain

A city full of mind blowing artwork by Gaudi, beautiful places of worship, and so many hidden gems down the winding side streets like St Joseph market.

Bridge of Sighs

Sagrada Familia

The Gingerbread Houses, Park Guell

     

Some of my favorite memories were made here. I'll never forget strolling through the city, so colourful in the summer sunshine, trying to find Sagrada Familia. When I turned a corner, I was in awe of the size (yet unfinished!) and complexity of this magnificent Roman catholic church. For the four short days I came to Barcelona, I barely had time to think of much beside the sights.The beautiful bright colours of the Gaudi houses are a bliss, and all I could think of was how lucky I am to be able to see it for myself.

Krakow, Poland

I loved Poland so much the first time I visited, I went again within 5 years. Both visits were during the winter months and the snow only adds to the magic of the Gothic 14th century architecture.

Jewish Quarter

St Mary's Basilica, Krakow Square

Auschwitz I

In between enjoying the breathtaking Old Town, Jewish Quarter and ghettos, I visited Auschwitz. 

Visiting this memorial let me experience, as best I could imagine, the harrowing and devastating lives that were short lived here under Nazi Germany. Seeing the ordeals faced by 1,100,000 people in this camp alone made my own troubles irrelevant and unnecessary. The vast scene of Birkenau camp is incredibly eerie and peaceful, and the saying is true - you can't hear a bird sing. I will undoubtedly visit again. 

In the square you will find a mix of beautiful restaurants and cafe's which are cheap! And a cloth market where you can buy gorgeous souvenirs. As well as one of my personal favorites: St Mary's Basilica. Krakow is a city where you learn the suffering of others, and celebrate lives and culture.

~

It doesn't always have to be abroad. Travelling anywhere is rejuvenating for your mind, embracing the desires and opportunities to have new experiences has such a positive impact on your mental health. And when we view the world from another perspective, such as the tragedies that have happened elsewhere, we may start to appreciate what we have at home. So do it now, book that once-in-a-lifetime Thailand/Bali tour, because I bet you won't regret it.



Alice

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Note: Sorry for the short blog post this week. Finals are ongoing, lots of family things happening, trying to stay sane! Summer is around the corner, and I have so much left to tell you all :) see you soon, x

"Oh, well it must have been his depression?!"

I'm sure you've all heard about the awful Germanwings airplane crash by now, and if not you definitely need to get out more. You also must have read a tonne of articles about stigma surrounding mental health, so I'm hoping to take a slightly different approach in this post. What Lubitz did was beyond words; devastating for the families of passengers aboard the flight. But as soon as the word "depression" came to light the media pounced at the opportunity to blow it up on a big screen.

I can't help but feel that the media have been quick to judge on this situation. Dare the media report that there is continuous speculation over Andreas Lubitz' history of mental health, and the lack of conclusive findings. What if there is more to it? Nowadays "depression" is used by the media as a buzz word. Article after article has proven how its use results in immediate assumption of the mental illness being the underpinnings of devastating happenings. And I despise it.

Alastair Campbell (Huffington Post) made a fantastic point in which I couldn't agree more - imagine that Lubitz had actually discovered that he had cancer, too late to treat? I doubt that the media would be painting such an awful photo of the illness. So why do it with depression? We wouldn't be blaming the 150 deaths on cancer.

For those who are saying he should not have been flying a plane if he was a depressive - I agree ON THE BASIS that he had been signed off work due to depression. However, there seems to be a lack of knowledge on how common depression is: 1 in 5 people experience depression at some point in their lives. These people are teachers, supermarket assistants, lifeguards at your local pool, bakers, dog walkers, taxi drivers. What I find fascinating is how depression is assumed to be characterized by suicidal thoughts/attempts. This is not the case, and you are ignorant if you think it is. You wouldn't reject taken your best friend up on the offer of a free lift into town center, on the basis that they had suffered from depression. You wouldn't believe that they would drive off of a bridge at any point in that journey.

So if it were that being a pilot isn't a job for a person with depression - what job is, where and how do you draw the line? What jobs are depressives suited for? Nothing? Almost every job involves contact with other people, and a lot involve the responsibility of others. If depressives aren't suited for jobs they will only be judged to be benefit scroungers. "There's nothing wrong with you, suck it up."

I think the real problem lies with the already existing stigma. When you are signed off work by the doctor for having a virus, people are quick enough to jump at the chance to have a few sick days to recover. But the stigma surrounding mental health has lead to a fear in confiding in your employer that you have depression and are unable to work. If it were a severe depressive episode, I believe the responsibility of reporting such illness should be given to the patient himself. There should be a system in place where the employers are foretold of any medical condition in which the individual must be signed off from work. The nature of the illness doesn't have to be disclosed by the doctor, only that the employer knows they are truly unfit for work. This should especially be the case in employment that involves high responsibility in regard to others' lives.

Lastly, another point to  consider is this. Lubitz' was obviously profoundly depressed and evidently in dire need of help. If his girlfriend knew he had been preoccupied with the idea of a plane crash, and suffering a depressive episode - why on earth did she inform somebody?

To conclude, I'm not saying his act was excusable, I am saying that the media should not jump the gun and imminently blame depression. Especially without the establishment of conclusive evidence.


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Thanks for taking the time to read my post! I hope you've considered it as food for thought. And hopefully I've not offended anybody with my own personal views.
As always feel free to share, comment with your own views, and stay tuned for more next week :)

Alice

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Becoming Mentally Healthy With Exercise

There's a well known quote by C.S Lewis that, ever since it was sent to me by my friend Emily years ago, has always put the distinction of the body and mind into perspective:

"You don't have a Soul. You are a Soul. You have a body."

When we get in our cars, we fasten our seat belts. When we feel a cold coming on, we wrap up warm and make ourselves some soup. We spend much of our time taking precaution to prevent physical illness; but we seldom see our mental health this way. 

In this article I hope to highlight some of the ways exercise can improve our mental well being - just as it can with physical illness!

If you're anything like me - even the word 'exercise' will make you shudder with laziness and denial. I was never one for exercise until about a year and half ago when I started getting pretty fed up with my low mood. Both doctor and counsellor advised me to take walks, but of course, depression made it difficult to even get out of bed let alone venture outside! When I started taking medication, my thoughts became a little more ordered and eventually I found it in me to take a walk. I was amazed by how great I would feel afterwards.

So why walk and run? It's costs nothing - which is perfect for us students. No matter where you live in the world, there's bound to be lots of scenic and peaceful public footpaths. When I go for walks, I love to take my camera to capture all the lovely things I see. Disclaimer - if you do take a camera, make sure you check where the trees are situated on your route so you don't end up with a black eye and a broken camera! Running gets your heart beating - using up all of those stress hormones built up over the course of a busy day at uni or work, in turn making you totally chilled out and ready for a relaxer in the eve! Going outside stimulates your mind, which is of course better than wallowing in self hate or self pity in your room all day. You are better than that!

If you aren't a very active person, and prefer something a bit slower, but still want the excellent mental benefits as well as physical; yoga is for you! Yoga is an age old practice (5th century BC!), which focuses on breathing and building strength. It is all about overcoming difficulty, both within yoga practice (some moves will have you wondering how the body even bends that way) and throughout life. As an ever growing practice, there are plenty of opportunities to join in on yoga classes, and the beauty of it is you don't even have to leave the house (check out Yoga with Adrien on Youtube). 

I myself prefer to practice yoga in my PJ's (why isn't this socially acceptable yet? Is anybody working on this?!) 

If you aren't into vids, here's a link to my Pinterest yoga board with a fair few good photo diagrams for beginners - https://www.pinterest.com/alicemariejames/yogaexercisemeditation/

So to conclude - exercise is a great benefit for your mind as well as body. I hope you find the advice useful, and as always, please comment with any suggestions or general comments about my post!

3 Tips to Reduce Anxiety Levels

Before I start, I just want to say thank you to everybody who has taken the time to read my first post :-) and for all the Facebook likes, shares, and lovely messages I received!

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When anxiety flares up, it can become increasingly difficult to stay focused and calm. Your mind hyper focuses on the future, negative thoughts, and a lot of negative self talk happens. And so it feels next to impossible to dismantle the snow balling effect of negativity and panic. 

I've always found it difficult to order my thoughts when I feel a panic attack coming on, so here I want to share with you 3 simple but very effective strategies I use to help lower my anxiety levels. I thought I'd start the blog on a personal note, but bear in mind posts won't always be about my experiences, either way I hope these benefit you in any way!

1)"Blow Away the Bad Thoughts"
When I go through a period where I'm feeling particularly anxious, which may last a few days to a week, it's usually down to over thinking about certain things which might be going on in my life at that time. Having anxiety means that simple bothers appear ten times worse, and so I tend to fixate on them, which just in turn makes me more anxious. D'oh! 

To cope with these intrusive and obsessive thoughts;

• Picture the source of your anxieties - it may be a person, something that somebody has said to you, or simply an uncomfortable situation you found yourself in. 
• Take a deep breath, and imagine you are blowing it far away into the distance until it disappears. 
• Distract yourself with something visual or auditory - I find Family Guy usually does the trick! This will help prevent you from fixating on the same thought.

At first you may feel a bit silly, and find that those thoughts continue to cross your mind, but be persistent. They soon dissolve and when you finally move your attention, your anxiety levels will drop.

2)"Dedicating a time or day to unwind"
Being a student means there is just never enough time in the day! Who has time to sort themselves out with all these deadlines, maintaining a social life, and calling your Mam to let her know that just because you've not replied for a few hours - you are still very much alive! All this alongside with the anxieties of every day life, what a drain.
When you find yourself feeling anxious, remind yourself to put it on the back burner, and think about it at your dedicated time. 

"These thoughts are not for now. I will take time at 5pm to think about them, I have more important things to do."

• Set a specific time for every day when all of your errands have been run. Personally 5pm works best for me. It's that time of the day when all my lectures are over, I don't have to start making dinner quite yet, and I have enough time after my session to watch some of my favorite programs. 
• Set up some pillows, make yourself a cuppa tea. Or something you have to relax (preferably not alcohol, as tempting as it is!)
• Think about what has bothered you that day, and let yourself feel the way you need to

Don't over indulge in the thoughts, but it's good to let it out. Sometimes I find that I have forgotten all about what had bothered me!

3) "A 'good vibes' board"

A lot of my anxious thoughts are spent focused on the fact that I am feeling anxious, sheer irony. Beating yourself up over feeling this way is a pretty normal reaction, but you need to tell yourself that it is okay to feel this way. It is definitely not as easy as it sounds - however they key is to know that these anxieties you're feeling are not permanent. 

For a quick and easy way to get some encouraging words, I created a 'Good Vibes' board on Pinterest (www.pinterest.com/alicemariejames/good-vibes), which is full of inspirational and encouraging words that lift remind me how great life really is!

A personal favorite is this classic by Roal Dahl

"If you have good thoughts they will shine out of your face like sunbeams and you will always look lovely."

That concludes my blog for this week. I hope you've enjoyed, please feel free to comment with any suggestions or just general interest :)

Have a lovely week

BREAKING THE INTERNET... Well, maybe not yet.

Starting a written piece of work, I find, is almost always the most challenging part. So firstly I'll address the cliche's - who am I?

There it is, that simple ice breaker that suddenly makes you question if even you know anything about yourself? Errrr... What are my hobbies again?!

My name is Alice, and I'm a 20 year old psychology undergraduate at Bangor University. I am a tea lover, engaged to a wonderful man, and enjoy dark thriller shows. In psychology, I'm interested in person centered and humanistic therapies, personality, and social cognition. For my dissertation I'm studying social neuroscience, specifically trait inference (a pretty fancy way of saying "how we think about people").

I've pondered over the idea of writing a blog for some time. Even in my pre-adolescent Tumblr years I could never quite gather the motivation, or content for that matter, to write something. Unless you'd all rather hear about a thirteen-year-old's boy troubles, how much I loved Paramore, and cute miniature animals? I thought not. 

So what has brought me to the beginning of this blog? Since studying psychology at university, my thirst for understanding the world around me has only grown fiercely, and during my first year I began to struggle with my mental health. The irony amused me; I was studying people, thoughts, mental health, relationships - whilst simultaneously battling my own demons. A year on, I hope to write about my first-hand experiences and advice and my own strategies of coping with anxiety and generally how to maintain a healthy mind.  I will write posts about stigma, general chat about being a human, and lots of topics in psychology which get me going!

I welcome all comments, and would love to know what you think about my posts. Or even if you'd like to strike up a conversation about a topic, feel free :-)

Thanks for reading
Alice